um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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