3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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