I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
