We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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