What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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