I puked a lego.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
