Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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