he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
