my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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