When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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