Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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