After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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