Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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