The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
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I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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