Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
