you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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