did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize