neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
