Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
