Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
