I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
