Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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