Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
