I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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