her vagine was all disorganized.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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