i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
