so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
