I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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