ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
