I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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