i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Randomize
