Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
