if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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