12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
