just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I enjoy the company of your penis
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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