Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
