my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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