I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
