Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
