Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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