Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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