I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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