got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize