and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
