you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
