I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I deserve this hangover.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
