If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
