i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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