Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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