The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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