Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Please don't give away my fajitas
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
