I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
