The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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