I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
