In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
