put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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