I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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