Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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