I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
