there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
